Over the past few years, I have been extensively giving thought to instability as a phenomenon in my life, as well as cultural identity, and how I can reflect on such concepts in my music. It took me years to think [again] about, acknowledge, and admire what Nader Mashayekhi told me once in one of our composition lessons [and I rephrase what I recall]: “We [Iranians] have emotional attachments with these intervals”. Since the Woman-Life-Freedom movement started in Iran, I think my life has been split into two time periods: before the events related to it, the trauma caused by it, and after them. I have also been thinking about the meaning of ‘us’, Iranians as a nation spread out all across the globe because of the imposed political situation in our homeland over the past five decades. During the process of composing this piece as my PhD thesis, I came across a poem by John Ashbery that resonated with me:
Out of our hands, to install it on some monstrous, near
Peak, too close to ignore, too far
For one to intervene? This otherness, this
“Not-being-us” is all there is to look at
Peak, too close to ignore, too far
For one to intervene? This otherness, this
“Not-being-us” is all there is to look at
not-being-us was premiered on March 9, 2025, by the Center for New Music Ensemble, conducted by David Gompper.
Still shots from a rehearsal video and the premiere, courtesy of Auden Lincoln-Vogel, and Alice Chang
Still shots from a rehearsal video and the premiere, courtesy of Auden Lincoln-Vogel, and Alice Chang